Finding Balance

What have we become?

Just look what we have done. 

All that we destroyed, you must build again.

-White Lion, "When The Children Cry" (1989)

Powerful words from one of my favorite songs.

It's 5:30pm. You just rolled into the house. Your family is spread all over the house. Your oldest daughter has left for work, your other daughter is outside on the trampoline practicing gymnastics. Your oldest son is in his room reading a book and your youngest son is playing with toys and raiding the refrigerator and cabinets for food. Your spouse is relaxing watching the local news after a long days work. You walk in the door say hello to everyone and ding. Your email goes off, it's something needed by a colleague that they need now to plan for tomorrow. You respond to the email.

It's 9:00pm. Everyone is settled into bed. You help get them settled in and sit down on the couch to relax. You pick up your phone and check out Twitter. 30 minutes later you are still catching up on Tweets, tweeting and retweeting as you indulge in networking and professional learning.

It's now 10:25pm. You've watched the local news, your feeling a little tired, but your thinking about what's on your schedule for tomorrow having just checked your calendar via your cell phone. Who can I add value to tomorrow? What does my day look like? What do I need to do to prepare for tomorrow? Your thinking through scenarios in your head that you will encounter tomorrow. Supporting a teacher with instruction, the student who is struggling with behavior, the family who needs support having to move now that the rent has been raised at their apartment complex. It's now 11:00pm. You walk into the kitchen, take some melatonin, drink some water, and try to drift off to sleep.

3:00am hits and your wide awake thinking about today. You replay those earlier conversations and think of a few others that need to be addressed today. At this point your trying to go back to sleep but it's not happening. Your awake. Game on. All in.

Does this sound at all like you? Are you struggling with turning it off? I am. I always have.

I quoted from "When The Children Cry" because when we fail to turn it off we often do not realize what we have become or what we have done until it's too late. I type this right now weighing 30 pounds more than I did a year ago at this time. What have I become? What have I done? I write this today at the realization that I have not been as present at home as I need to be for my wife and children. What have I become? What have I done? We can become so entrenched in the work and so focused on a goal that we lose sight of the other important things in our lives. As educators and school leader we juggle multiple balls. Some of the balls are made out of glass and those are the ones we cannot allow to drop to the floor and break.

I finished reading "Relentless" by Tim Grover yesterday. Tim Grover is best known for being the personal trainer of Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Dwayne Wade. It was interesting reading about Jordan, Bryant, and Wade. I make it a point to read about others considered the best at what they do, whether it's a professional athlete, former president, business leader, educator, etc. You can learn a lot about their work ethic, relentless drive, and uncompromising focus on their goals. From a personality standpoint, I am a lot like Jordan and Bryant. I'm what Grover refers to as a "cleaner". Like them I am intense, driven, and refuse limitations. I will do whatever it takes to reach a goal and succeed. I will do whatever it takes to help others reach their goals and succeed. I've always pushed myself to be the best at whatever I am doing. Whether that was my tenure as a Physical Educator or now as a school leader, I want to be the best. I'm not sure how you would quantify or define that but that's what I aspire to. The better I become, the greater my capacity to give back to others to add value to their lives. Having the attitude of "I own this" is a strength and shows a great deal of personal accountability. Principal Kafale speaks to this when he says "is my school better because I lead it?" That's a question I ask myself often. I want success for others, badly. It drives me each and every day.

I've been very locked in on our mission since coming on board at my new school. We are facing state intervention (potential closure, reset, flip to a charter) after 5 straight years of low performance (identified as priority improvement by our state). When we moved to Colorado 6 years our my current school is where my first service opportunity was as the Physical Education teacher. I love this community. Our students and families are among the most amazing people you will ever meet. Their heart for their children, this school, and this community is immeasurable. They want our school to be successful, they want our community to be successful, and want the best for everyone. They are all in on those goals and so am I.

The school is directly across the street from the apartment that was rigged to explode by the Aurora Theatre Shooting. They've had a great deal of turnover, climate and culture struggles, and low academic performance over the last 6 years. In fact, I had an Instructional Superintendent tell me essentially turning this school around could not be done. If you know me at all, telling me something can't be done is a mistake. I will prove you wrong every single time.

I'm confident we will move the school out of priority improvement and we will no longer be looking the Colorado Department of Education in the face in fear of their intervention. I said that was going to happen from day 1 and I have all the faith in the world in our staff, students, family and school community that we will see that result once we hear back from the state later this year. A collaborative effort that's taken the hard work, dedication, sweat and tears of everyone in this community to accomplish. I'm so proud of everyone and what they've put into this school year.

We have to remember as educators and leaders that a singular focused drive comes with a cost. You often hear of this referred to as work/life balance. Jimmy Casas as referred to it as being "Life Fit". 

As a "cleaner" like Jordan and Bryant, that balance for me right now is way out of wack. Tim Grover was kind enough to correspond with me after I reached out to him having read "Relentless". As much as I read that inspired me, there was a lot that scared me too. Anyone that knows about Jordan and Bryant off the court, they struggled during their playing days with things unrelated to playing basketball. For me, it's work/life balance and the need to be present at home. Grover told me "you have to find time and make time. Be in the moment with them and let them enjoy the benefits of your hard work as you enjoy them." Very insightful and something I needed to hear.

It's important that we not forget about the moments our family is trying to share with us when we are with them. Make those moments count. We only get so many of them in a lifetime, especially with our children before they grow and move into the next chapters of their life. And, do not forget to take care of yourself. You matter. Your health matters. Take care of yourself. Those doctors appointments you keep putting off, go. That workout you stopped doing months ago, start it up again. You matter. To be the best for everyone else, you have to be at your best mentally and physically.

I'm going to wrap up this post so I can call the doctor and schedule a physical for next week and schedule an eye exam for next week as we are on Spring Break. I've been saying I was going to do this since Monday and it hasn't happened. It will today. When I get home, I am going to put my phone on the charger and walk away from it and be #ALLIN for my family.

Please take the time to reflect on where you are in terms of balance and being life fit and make whatever changes you need to make. Don't find yourself in a situation where you have become something you hoped not to ever become or that you have done something that cannot be undone.

Being the One as Ryan Sheehy writes also means doing so at home and doing so in your personal life.

Make each moment count. They are what you will take with you forever and what others will carry with them when you are gone.

CJ